Pagina de Ramón

Friday, October 28, 2005

Chistes

Machistas.

¿Cuál es el mes en que las mujeres cometen menos estupideces? Febrero, porque es el mes que tiene menos días.

¿Por qué creen que las mujeres mueven la cabeza cuando piensan?Para que las dos neuronas que tienen hagan contacto

Las mujeres son como los indios, sólo se pintan cuando quieren guerra.

El paraíso fue paraíso, porque Adán no tenía suegra.

Profesores.

La profesora dice:Pablito venía para la escuela, pisó una cáscara de banano y se cayó y se quebró una pierna.¿Qué hay que aprender de esto Juanito?¡Que no hay que venir a la escuela!

En el examen, el profesor le dice al alumno que no ha sabido contestar a ninguna pregunta:Le haré una última pregunta, si sabe, le aprobaré.¿Cuántos pelos tiene la cola de un caballo?Treinta mil quinientos ochenta y tres.¿Y cómo lo sabe?Perdone profesor, pero esa ya es otra pregunta.

El profesor estaba en su clase de Química y pregunta:Si introduzco este reloj en esta sustancia, ¿Creen ustedes que se disolvería?Un alumno contestó:No. ¡Muy bien! ¿Por qué?Porque si se disolviera, usted no lo metería.

Crueles.

En la prueba de los 50 metros de estilo libre en natación dePara-Olímpicos destacan 3 nadadores; el inglés sin brazos, el griego sin piernas, y el español sin brazos ni piernas.Dan la salida y el español se hunde. Pasa un minuto y deciden sacarle y medio ahogado dice:¡Joder, un año entrenando con las orejas, y me ponen gorro

Dice la maestra a Pepito:A ver Pepito, si yo digo "fui rica" es pasado, pero si yo digo "soy hermosa", ¿qué es?Una gran mentira maestra

Dice que una vez nació un tipo tan, pero tan feo, que el doctor dijo:Si no llora en diez segundos, es un tumor.

En plena guerra llega el general y le dice a sus soldados:Les tengo una noticia buena y una mala, ¿Cuál quieren escuchar primero?Y dicen los soldados juntos:¡Pues la mala primero!Y el general contesta:Bueno, hoy comeremos excrementos.Y todos se quejan y dicen:Ahora díganos la buena.Que alcanzará para todos.

Doctores.

Doctor, doctor, tengo un testículo de hierro y otro de madera.¿Y usted tiene hijos?Sí, Robocop y Pinocho.


llega una viejita con el doctor y le dice:Mire doctor, tengo este problema de que me echo muchos gases, auque no me preocupa mucho porque no huelen ni se oyen, por ejemplo ahorita me he echado como 20 y usted ni se ha dado cuenta. ¿Qué puedo hacer?El doctor le dice:Tómese estas pastillas y en una semana regresa.A la semana siguiente llega la viejita y le dice al doctor:Oiga doctor, ¿Qué me dio que ahora mis gases ya huelen, y muuuy feo?El doctor le dice:Muy bien, el problema de la sinusitis está resuelto, ahora trabajaremos en su oído.

Había un señor que estaba asustado, porque tenía pelos por todas partes de una forma descomunal. Entonces va donde un doctor y le dice:Doctor, doctor, ¿Qué padezco doctor, qué padezco?Y el doctor le dice:¡Padeces un osito!

Una madre da a luz a su bebé. Cuando está recuperada el doctor le dice:Su hijo está bien, pero le tuvimos que poner oxígeno.Y la madre responde:¡Que pena, yo quería ponerle Francisco!

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